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How can I celebrate my friend's new success, without envy? |
I'm struggling with jealousy over an old friend's (well-deserved!) success. |
We both work in a creative industry, and when we were starting out we spent a long time consoling each other over (very cheap) red wine about the long, unpredictable luck-driven road to success in our field. |
We're both good at what we do, and after years of slogging away, her latest project has taken off in a big way, with a whole new set of opportunities opening up. |
I want to feel happy for her in an uncomplicated way, but the moments of envy and "why not me?" keep creeping in, and I've found myself turning down invitations to catch up because of it. |
How can I handle those feelings in a healthy way and get back to celebrating her achievement? |
The comedian Billy Connolly tells a story about going back to his hometown and stopping at the pub to see his old mates. |
He dreads it because he knows that until the moment he opens the door everyone in that pub is perfectly happy with their lives. |
But then he walks in, and the lives that seemed full and warm just moments ago suddenly seem tinny and empty to the people who have to live them. |
He hates making his friends feel tinny. |
This is a way of saying that your friend is going to be feeling just as weird about this transition as you are. |
She knows how much of her own story is luck and she knows that your talent is equal to hers, which means that when she goes to sleep in the hotels that look so glamorous from the outside I promise you, on the struggling-artist sacrament of cheap wine, that she feels like she shouldn't be there. |
So the good news is you're in this together. |
You both want a friendship that doesn't embarrass you. |
I think that's what envy is, often: just curdled embarrassment. |
It's not that we resent someone having what we want so much as we're humiliated by the reminder that we didn't get it. |
So your task might be speak candidly to yourself about why your friend's success makes you squeamish and embarrassed. |
It could be that you think if you'd worked harder, you could be there too; it might be that deep down you aren't proud of everything you've produced. |
Whatever uncomfortable thought is at the root of those feelings (and I'd lay good money it's about yourself) you should pull it out by the roots of its hair and squeeze it until it dies. |
Then you should go and do the best work you've ever done. |
Take your irritation and make it fuel. |
Write about it. |
Tear up what you've written and eat it. |
Do whatever you have to do to get the flywheel in your brain cranking until time goes stripy. |
Lose yourself in the work, splash in it, hate it, drink it, collapse in a heap at the end of the day knowing you did what Annie Dillard tells writers to do: "spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time." |
Who cares if it gets recognised? |
The creative world apportions its rewards with capriciousness at absolute best and mediocrity at worst. |
You don't want that. |
You want the sweet earned exhaustion of having survived combat with a craft. |
When you're proud of yourself for that, really proud in your marrow, the shiny things your friend has won't look so good by comparison. |
In a few months" time when she's eyeballs deep in a press tour and her brain has rusted from going so long without that kind of work, she might very well start to envy you. |
And that'll teach her. |
Do you have a conflict, crossroads or dilemma you need help with? |
Eleanor Gordon-Smith will help you think through life's questions and puzzles, big and small. |
Questions can be anonymous. |
Death of Georgia Tech recruit hit by train ruled a suicide |
The death of a Georgia Tech football recruit who was struck by a freight train was ruled a suicide by the Broward County (Fla.) medical examiner's office, according to multiple reports. |
Bryce Gowdy, 17, died early Monday in his hometown of Deerfield Beach, Fla. |
A wide receiver, Gowdy signed with the Yellow Jackets on Dec. 18 and was due to enroll at the Atlanta campus next week after finishing his high school classes a semester early. |
The medical examiner's office ruled on Tuesday that the manner of death was suicide and the cause was blunt force injuries. |
Gowdy was a wide receiver and defensive back who helped his Deerfield Beach High School team reach the state semifinals this year. |
He was rated as a four-star prospect. |
Zimbabwe's Delta Lager Sales Hit By Power, Fuel Shortages |
HARARE (Reuters) - Zimbabwe's Delta Corporation, the country's largest drinks maker, reported a 48% fall in half-year lager sales compared with the same period last year after output and distribution were hit by shortages of electricity and fuel. |
The worst economic crisis in a decade in Zimbabwe has been compounded by a drought that has reduced water levels in dams needed for hydro-power, leading to 18-hour electricity cuts that are roiling industry and mines. |
Delta, which is 40%-owned by Anheuser-Busch InBev, the world's largest brewer, said on Tuesday that shortages of foreign currency meant the company also struggled to import raw materials during the half-year ending September. |
"Our production and distribution operations were disrupted by the shortages of electricity and fuel, which in themselves are a manifestation of the limited availability of foreign currency," said Delta. |
The company said it owed $72 million to foreign suppliers. |
Sales of carbonated soft drinks were down 56% during the same period, while volumes for the popular and cheaper sorghum beer fell 15%. |
After experimenting with dollarisation in the last decade, President Emmerson Mnangagwa's government surprised the market in June by bringing back a national currency. |
The transition from dollarisation to the Zimbabwe dollar has unleashed inflation, which has eroded salaries and savings while the domestic currency continues to weaken against the greenback. |
Reporting by MacDonald Dzirutwe; Editing by Alex Richardson |
Supercut Highlights 'Increasingly Unhinged Rhetoric' Of Fox News Hosts In 2019 |
A new montage video aims to highlight how Fox News personalities have resorted to "increasingly unhinged rhetoric" over the last 12 months. |
Hosts and guests rant about sedition, guillotines and Democrats destroying the U.S. in the 2019 supercut that Media Matters for America released online Tuesday. |
"Fox pundits are predicting a new "civil war" brought on by liberal anti-Trump activists and the media," the progressive watchdog group captioned the video. |
But in reality, they're the ones fantasizing about violence and using increasingly unhinged rhetoric. |
The video shows "just how deranged Fox pundits have become when concern trolling about a civil war pushed by people on the left," it added. |
Check out the clip here: |
Three dead, one missing in black week for South Coast |
Patrick Salway and his wife Renee. |
Credit:Patrick Salway's Facebook |
The man is yet to be identified. |
Police said on Tuesday night that a 72-year-old man was unaccounted for at Belowra, about 50 kilometres north-west of Cobargo, a historic town inland from Bermagui. |
Rural Fire Service Commissioner Shane Fitzsimmons said emergency services were struggling to access some of the areas affected by fires. |
"We also have a very real challenge with a couple of isolated communities where we have reports of injuries and burn injuries to members of the public," Mr Fitzsimmons said. |
"We still have grave concerns for [another person]," he said. |
[There is] limited access to the remote area to try to identify and confirm one way or the other the status of that person. |
At least 200 homes have reportedly been lost on the Far South Coast, an area packed with holidaymakers. |
The Rural Fire Srevice said 916 homes had been destroyed statewide this fire season. |
Power is out throughout much of the South Coast, mobile phones are inoperable, and key arterial roads including sections of the Princes Highway remain impassible, hampering relief efforts. |
RFS Deputy Commissioner Rob Rogers said the service's focus had turned towards helping people trapped on the South Coast as milder conditions prevailed. |
More than 100 fires were burning across the state on Wednesday morning, with six out of control on the South Coast. |
Mr Rogers said the RFS was also focused on preparing for Saturday, which is forecast to have very poor weather similar to those that prevailed on Tuesday, with heavy winds and hot temperatures. |
Alireza Jahanbakhsh bicycle kick denies Chelsea victory at Brighton as Kepa comes to the rescue |
Chelsea were punished for their sluggish start to 2020 as Brighton's Alireza Jahanbakhsh scored a spectacular late bicycle-kick to claim a point on New Year's Day. |
The visitors were ahead early on through captain Cesar Azpilicueta but failed to make their early dominance count, unable to find a way through Graham Potter's well drilled Seagulls side, leaving manager Frank Lampard a frustrated figure throughout as the door was left open for their hosts. |
The Chelsea boss had abandoned his back three after 34 minutes in order to turn things around at Arsenal on Sunday, and threw it out completely here with Reece James recovering from an ankle injury ahead of schedule to come in at right-back, shifting Azpilcueta to the left and Emerson to the bench. |
After their horror start at the Emirates, where Mikel Arteta's side swarmed Chelsea from kick-off until the change in shape, Lampard's side were far more composed and patient on the south coast with Jorginho restored to midfield and looking to dictate proceedings. |
Jahanbakhsh's stunner sealed a point for the Seagulls. |
Chelsea had rather struggled for goals before their two late strikes at Arsenal, and here still didn't look quite as free flowing as they have shown they can be so far this season. |
It took a touch of fortune to get them off the mark here, Kurt Zouma's header from a corner falling to Tammy Abraham, whose shot had a little too much on it for Mathew Ryan to gather, the keeper palming to Azpilicueta for the Chelsea captain to tap in his first Premier League goal of the season. |
That should have set Chelsea up to press on and open up a little, but they simply couldn't get it going. |
Both Lampard in the technical area and Jorginho on the pitch called on Zouma and Antonio Rudiger to pick the pace up with their passing but the visitors were sluggish, struggling to break down a Brighton side who were themselves offering little but defending well. |
Chelsea remain fourth, five points clear of Man Utd. |
Action Images via Reuters |
There was a sign of life when, just before the break, Christian Pulisic - back in the side having been rested at Arsenal as a precaution - worked himself some space in the area with smart footwork and flashed an effort across Ryan's goal, sending it just wide of the far post. |
Lampard and assistant Jody Morris sighed and shook their heads at some of Chelsea's pedestrian play after the break and called for Callum Hudson-Odoi to spice things up. |
Abraham had a hand in Chelsea's opener. |
AFP via Getty Images |
The teenager lifted the visitors immediately, cutting inside and seeing an effort blocked before spinning quickly and whipping a wonderful through ball in for Willian on the break. |
Chelsea were pushing higher but still didn't look comfortable at the back, Zouma shown a yellow card for bringing Brighton sub Aaron Connolly down on the break before Kepa misjudged his punch from the resulting free-kick. |
Having fluffed his lines from one set piece, the Spaniard was on hand at the next after Connolly managed to hold off those around him to turn and shoot, Kepa dived low to the right and palmed the effort clear. |
Azpilicueta scored the first goal of 2020. |
End of preview. Expand in Data Studio
MoNIM
This repository contains the days 1-30 daily data and the GPT-2 small checkpoint used for reproducing the continual-learning experiments in the ACL 2025 paper Learn to Memorize: Scalable Continual Learning in Semiparametric Models with Mixture-of-Neighbors Induction Memory.
Dataset Summary
The paper uses News Crawl data from the first half of 2020 (NC-20H1) as streaming data for continual learning. This repository provides the first 30 daily shards from the prepared daily data, intended for reproduction research.
Each daily shard includes:
train.txt,valid.txt,test.txt: article-level text splits.train.bpe,valid.bpe,test.bpe: GPT-2 BPE-tokenized text.bin/: fairseq mmap binaries built from the BPE files.net/train.*,net/test.*: small held-out subsets used by the MoNIM auxiliary selection network.net/total/: combined auxiliary-network inputs and their fairseq binaries.freq_cache_id.pickle,fertility_cache_id.pickle: cached token statistics used by the reproduction code.
Top-level tokenizer files:
dict.txtencoder.jsonvocab.bpe
Model checkpoint:
checkpoints/gpt2-small/checkpoint_best.pt
KNN datastore/index artifacts, MoNIM adapter checkpoints, run logs, watcher scripts, and experiment outputs are not part of this repository.
Data Source
The source corpus is WMT News Crawl:
- News Crawl index: https://data.statmt.org/news-crawl/
- News Crawl README: https://data.statmt.org/news-crawl/README
The News Crawl README describes the corpus as monolingual text extracted from online newspapers and released for WMT shared tasks. It also states that News Crawl does not own the extracted text and that only the packaging is released under Creative Commons CC0. Users of this repository must comply with the original News Crawl terms, the upstream take-down policy, and any applicable rights of the original text sources.
Preparation
The prepared daily data follows the paper setup: approximately 98% of articles are used for training, 1% for validation, and 1% for test. Text is tokenized with a GPT-2 BPE tokenizer, then preprocessed into fairseq mmap binaries with the shared dictionary.
Intended Use
This repository is intended for academic research and reproduction of the MoNIM continual-learning experiments. It is not intended as a general-purpose news corpus release.
Citation
If you use this dataset, cite the MoNIM paper and the upstream News Crawl/WMT data source:
@inproceedings{peng-etal-2025-learn,
title = "Learn to Memorize: Scalable Continual Learning in Semiparametric Models with Mixture-of-Neighbors Induction Memory",
author = "Peng, Guangyue and
Ge, Tao and
Luo, Wen and
Li, Wei and
Wang, Houfeng",
booktitle = "Proceedings of the 63rd Annual Meeting of the Association for Computational Linguistics (Volume 1: Long Papers)",
month = jul,
year = "2025",
address = "Vienna, Austria",
publisher = "Association for Computational Linguistics",
url = "https://aclanthology.org/2025.acl-long.1385/",
doi = "10.18653/v1/2025.acl-long.1385",
pages = "28517--28531",
}
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